Silent treatment reddit. As a result of the silent treatment I was a yeller. ​

This is not the silent treatment. TIL the "silent treatment" in the workplace is the fourth most common of all workplace bullying tactics experienced. Then the silent treatment began, and she cut me out of our friend group with a smear campaign. Personally, when someone decides to give me the silent treatment (ignoring my call, late text reply, etc) instead of a healthy communication so we see how we can make things better, it means they don’t value what exists between us, so why should I care?! The silent treatment (not just staying silent to keep your temper in check, I mean being silent as a punishment to that other person) may be used by people who think it works- if it does, who knows, though in my own life I have found that conflicts left up in the air often do Not resolve themselves, and that people often need to man up and The silent treatment became very easy. What you said was great but now that should be all you say. Keli November 16th, 2023 . Last time we spoke, I apologized for a misunderstanding and asked if we could still be friends. My husband then claims I give him the silent treatment but I do respond to him and don’t ignore him by any means. When implementing a silent treatment, the abuser is constantly obtaining pleasure from the victim's begging,crying,attempts at resolution. My (21f) roommate (23f)has a habit of randomly giving me the silent treatment which at times can last for months. And that’s not okay. I yelled to be heard. Silent treatment makes people either realize their well-being depends on you or gaslights them into thinking so. It can also happen spontaneously for something that I did 18 years ago as a 9-year-old child. See full list on healthline. The silent treatment is an actual form of emotional abuse. Don't count that as the deal breaker alone. g. The silent treatment is one of their shit-tests. When someone gives you the silent treatment, it's perfect, because then you do not have to talk to them and you know exactly what to expect when you walk in the room: silence. The awkwardness will fade and it will feel funny like you want to laugh or smirk. It's one thing to tell you that they need space- but silent treatment for days is just leaving you hanging to give you anxiety. Yep, my narcissistic stepmother would give individual or collective silent treatment based on perceived wrongdoing from the present. If he gives you the silent treatment just go about your business. I was just slouching while watching tv like I had been for years. Do not pass it, or you will get more of it. Mine has been giving me the silent treatment for almost ten months. Refusing to answer questions is a reasonable boundary. Everyone knows it. This brings back memories. Because neurotypicals also use it a lot, sometimes innocently, it's pretty easy to use. Rinse, repeat. The silent treatment turned me into a person I hardly recognized. It's late, she turns up and you're simply not responding, she's already worried about her car, now has to drive it again. You handled this situation very, very wrong. Once my anger is gone, I'll approach the other person to discuss the issue. I told him how bad it hurt me and I tried many things to help make it easier for him to take small steps toward better communication so it wouldn't hurt so bad but I guess it depends on what you mean. Abusers who give the silent treatment without communicating any sort of reasonable time to reconnect or talk again are banking on their victim to come crawling back to them. Tell her what the problem is and you two will either work it out or be done with the relationship. It’s super unfair to pull the silent treatment, you’re already unable to physically see each other and now the only other form of communication is taken away. The silent treatment with no explanation of why has historically been used as a form of psychological abuse and here’s why: -knowingly engaging in a behavior that they are more than aware of the high associated risk of result in psychological torment and pain on who they are ignoring is a power play of absolute control. So op time to childish about this. Sep 30, 2022 · The silent treatment is a refusal to verbally communicate with someone, often as a means of punishment, emotional manipulation, or control. This week he had to stay with me. They specifically employ this tactic to make the person feel small, unworthy and desperate for their attention. The silent treatment/ withholding is part of the bag of tricks for a cheater/ abuser . The silent treatment is one of the most immature forms of noncommunication. My son is now angry with me, but won't tell me why specifically and is giving me the silent treatment. I found the silent treatment to be humiliating and I would get extremely depressed during those times. Meaning, just tell me straight up what is bothering you. I struggle to find the words to communicate what I’m feeling sometimes. Thanks for clarifyingcooling off to chill and take your own time out is totally OK. Dear all, I am having a very difficult time dealing with the "Silent treatment" my boyfriend is giving me the last 4 1/2 days. On thing I know for sure is that you can only change yourself. Do not call her, let her keep to this silent treatment until she breaks it. Husband (36) likes to give silent treatment whenever he’s mad about something or if something doesn’t go his way. The silent treatment might be good for very short times. It’s cruel and easy to differentiate from what you’re doing. That shit is emotionally abusive. As for creepy body language, it is, of course, disturbing, but it helped me to observe it like you would observe gorillas in the wild. I do the silent treatment sometimes when I'm really angry, but it's only because I don't want to accidently say something really hurtful, or just react and cause a bigger fight. Helping is something you want to do, its not an obligation. Possible reasons: disordered attachments of the avoidant type; personality disorders; anxiety disorders; bipolar conditions and their phases; emotionally unavailable partners; childhood emotional neglect. Silent treatment/stonewalling is a defensive measure to not disclose information. If a person is receiving the silent treatment for whatever they did and they chose to overreact about it then they are the one who ultimately has a problemI’m good at this with my gf, she often give me the ST when I don’t cater to her demands lol so I do it back, I don’t allow her silence to affect, I’m more silent than she is and it The silent treatment might be good for very short times. I would often be harassed to talk about it (whatever it was) right now!!! If I didn’t, I was being abusive. For awhile, I believed it. This ranges from never replying to my texts about things regarding the apartment, or not responding to me in person when I speak to her. The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse. and so on. But I've only ever done it when I was extremely angry and it never lasts more than a day. Having said that though, silent treatment is abusive behavior, so you may want to ask yourself why you would want to put up with that. It was an unfair flip of who was using the abusive tactics. It was the silent treatment that fucked me up and brought a lot of old trauma to the surface that I didn't even know was there. I(40m) have had repeated issues with a friend (42f) getting upset over various things and I’ve noticed a pattern of shutting down and complete silent treatment. Sometimes the silent treatment gown on for 3-5 days. I tried to tell her that when I do talk about whats bothering me it either gets ignored or I get told that I'm being overdramatic, so its hard to communicate. Silent treatment is passive aggressive and not something I can deal with. My mom likes to give pointless, super long-and-boring lectures when she’s mad or trying to teach me a lesson. Tell her "we have been friends for a long time, and every time you get upset at me instead of talking things through you give me the silent treatment. My narc did the same when I just wanted to communicate why their behavior made me upset. Tell him to grow the fuck up and deal with issues constructively. They do this mind game because they keep feeling like you don't love them and you need to keep proving it by chasing them, it makes them feel accepted and of worth while trying to get you to devalue your own self in the I didn't say I was pissed, I said her behavior is making me uncomfortable Bottom line, we still have to work together and giving the silent treatment isn't exactly professional, all I did was confront her about calling me multiple times. It was a roller coaster that made my head spin. I’m a woman but I think the ‘silent treatment’ is very different from needing a break in communication to process feelings then talk about them once emotions have levelled. Learn how to respond to it and when it becomes 100% this. Because I tried to get my feelings across to him and him becoming defensive, I mentally check out. I wish she’d use the silent treatment sometimes. Reply reply I guess my boyfriend's lucky, if I'm awake and not on Reddit, the silent treatment lasts about 15 - 30 minutes, basically until I feel guilty, get bored, or cease to be angry. The silent treatment is childish and emotionally abusive. Silent treatment is to get you to self gaslight, to get you to feel guilty blame yourself and for you to chase after them. You’re fine. Live your best life. The silent treatment inevitably ended with him exploding with anger & screaming at me, demeaning me etc. Not passing it means, assume the two of you broke-up, and promptly move on - unless you get timely clarifications to the contrary from his side, and a commitment not to repeat the test in the future (all the while keeping in mind that their promises tend to be bullshit, anyway unless he commits to Basically tl;dr is that my mom is giving me the silent treatment because I couldn’t attend my grandfathers memorial but she’s claiming I’m the one who’s disowning her. It is reported in 64% of workplace bullying, and used to separate workers from other workers by the bully not communicating with a coworker whatsoever. We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. Lets start from the beginning : I am currently doing an internship abroad for a range of a couple few months. It may range from just sulking to malevolent abusive controlling behaviour . It is silence that is unwarranted, and exaggerated response to a perceived wrongdoing. With 'normal' silent treatment, your partner may even explain why they went silent afterwards and take ownership of their behaviour. My nmom tried the silent treatment a few times when I was young, but she stopped doing it when she realized I preferred her that way. Although this type of behavior is more common in an intimate or romantic relationship, it can also happen with family members, friends, or co-workers. Context: my friend Lindsay went out one night with some friends and when she came back home, her partner, Mike, gave her the silent treatment because she apparently didn’t text him enough. It would mean not having to explain why I never did a thing she had neglected to ask me to do. You need to apologize and inform them that you care and you would like to talk things through. 🫠 And when I confronted him to ask him what was up, he just pretended like everything was fine, then continued to ignore me. ). I consider the silent treatment when my step-dad would come home and refuse to acknowledge his family’s existence for several days. If you need something, ask by email or summarize conversations afterwards by email. My plan is just go about my business, but I needed to create boundaries with her. Since I avoid confrontation, the silent treatment seems like the only possibility. Therapy is expensive but imo the best help I’ve ever gotten wasn’t from therapy, it was from support group that are around for every type of thing imaginable it seems, and multiple perspectives on life issues from different generations is one of the most amazing things I’ve This is our first conflict but she has told me in the past she goes silent when she's angry, so again, I suspect that's what's going on here. If I don’t want to waste my time or disturb my peace by talking with you, I am absolutely entitled to refuse. The only way to break that cycle is not giving what they want. I yelled because I felt there was nothing else I could do. The silent treatment is essentially a way of informing someone that they fucked up. Mar 26, 2021 · March 26, 2021. I thought it doesn’t matter but it actually affects me mentally. So, I tell my husband I just need some space take a few hours or a night to calm down and collect my thoughts and then have a decent conversation. The only way to tell is to get to know that person better. I dated a girl like this (silent treatment), and I eventually got her to realize that game doesn't work. I felt so abandoned, so unloved, and so misunderstood. Reply reply Reddit is entertainment, no one should come here for actual advice. ) So now to the current situation. If you can’t give the silent treatment, it is because you are not a hateful personand that is a good thing. On the other hand, if this behavior is a consistent pattern, accompanied by a lack of communication, emotional manipulation, or other control tactics, it could be an indicator of a more toxic nature of the I just can’t take the silent treatment/ignoring of my texts. The silent treatment at this point in our generation is a cliche. But even now sometimes when he asks me what’s wrong I just can’t say anything bc I don’t know how. How she learns that is in your hands! Every so often, my wife and 7-year old son will get into an argument and she'll wind up giving him the silent treatment. Not necessarily. In my eyes, the silent treatment is always to bigger or lesser extent abusive and from the start. Taking time to cool off and lower immediate heightened agitation is fine, but set a time limit (hour or two) then go back and talk about the issue calmly without blaming. Your mother is a grown woman. My ex husband used to accuse me of giving him the silent treatment when I needed a few hours to cool off before continuing a discussion. I wouldn't call the need to remain silent or distant to collect yourself and your thoughts to avoid escalating the situation a silent treatment, imho, but rather regaining your emotional balance. I’m trying to improve myself in relationship, friendship or whatever dat has to do with emotions. And. When I would yell, he claimed I was the abusive one. Point is, OP, she needs to grow up. Just shutting someone out using the silent treatment is abusive. If this behavior has been going on from the start (or at the start didn't exist but then slowly came into play within the first few months) and is now pretty standard behavior - then it is really a good indicator for mental illnesses, possibly borderline personality disorder where you can do from 'hero' to 'zero' and back again in a day, all over the smallest things We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. The silent treatment today is different than 20/35/50 years ago. I really don't have much experience with the silent treatment and like most of you I'm sure, I don't use that "method" of "dealing" with conflict myself. Don't you think you deserve to be treated well, and with respect? Silent treatment triggers me, I was so upset n ended up crying bec I couldn’t bear the emotional abuse. Then the apology. If it happens once or for a few hours, sure, fine. However, sometimes I end up shutting down but this becomes silent treatment without me realizing right away. FROM THAT POINT FORWARD, he proceeded to give me the silent treatment at work. it is a thinly veiled form of coercive control. First things first start setting boundaries. I'm not condoning her behaviour at all, but ultimately what you did in her eyes was give her the silent treatment, yeah part of that was because you were asleep, but imagine how much that would have upset her. You've told him how you feel, now don't feed the troll anymore. " As for the silent treatment, I just tried hard to not show him how much I enjoyed it. When I first started talking to my boyfriend I would do the silent treatment thing sometimes which was so awful of me and I feel incredibly guilty about it still. Apr 30, 2019 · The silent treatment is sometimes just a sign of poor communication skills. It can be really good for them to take 30min to calm down, do something else, and then come back. My sister brought up to me one day that I'm manipulative for doing this. People give the silent treatment because they get whatever they wanted from it, usually apologies and attention. I don't know how permissive his father is with him, but I imagine that I have different expectations, like telling me where he's going to be and coming home after work so that he gets enough sleep for school. i’m trying to communicate wit ppl so we can The silent treatment is called “stonewalling” and it is a form of emotional abuse narcs use. Talk back always resulted in harsh punishment as a child so I was very passive and just overall silent. Yeah, I said pretty much the same, but I wasn't so quick to jump to a break up. The silent treatment, I feel, is an abusive way to gain control of a situation and make your partner doubt/ feel bad about themselves. . So there is the secret: if you hate, you can give the silent treatment. My relationship with my parents and sister have been slowly degrading over the past 7 years since I turned 18. It usually lasts for a half day to a day and will end when she calms down and he apologizes for the original offense (usually shouting at her after she's been trying to get him to do something he doesn't want to do - e. However, she is right in being angry. Just for context, there was some physical intimacy roughly 2 years ago but nothing since and it is better that way (we both agree. It's been shown that men especially get "flooded" during arguments to the point where more discussion isn't really helpful. It always made me feel real guilty and sorry for that I did (that is the point of this strategy after all). the silent game. A subreddit for those who want to end work, are curious about ending work, want to get the most out of a work-free life, want more information on anti-work ideas and want personal help with their own jobs/work-related struggles. Ignoring her is childish and manipulative. But for those who lean avoidant and have given the silent treatment for days, weeks, months Silent treatment is a classic Cluster B (Narcissist, among other grab bag disorders) playbook trait. The silent treatment is a manipulation tactic to establish power over someone else, control over a situation or conversation, and a way to avoid responsibility. If I ask him what’s wrong he will only tell me he’s fine. Make yourself seen. speaking from experience. I feel really hurt and stressed out by this, I want you to know you can talk to me about anything, but the silent treatment is d Silent treatment is an abusive kind of behaviour. I get the silent treatment cause I did that when I was a teenager and did it early in my relationship with my wife but after talking with her she told me how hurt she was that I just clam up and not talk about our issues. The silence is definitely the punishment, right now am experiencing silent treatment from my father, over several months nowknow it's over a few things but the silence happens, it's not discussed. com This makes me instantly feel bad since silent treatment is my to go method to deal with my parents. I would felt like I walked on eggshells to avoid saying or doing something to offend him. My past relationships always ended up wit them giving me silent treatment. Currently, for reasons I'm not entirely aware, I'm being given the silent treatment. It’s not the mark of a safe person to be in a relationship with. She said that giving the silent treatment is immature and I should just talk about it instead of "holding grudges". Longer if I fall asleep, go out with friends or get distracted by Reddit. It happens every time we fight Yeah that's a dealbreaker for me. The silent treatment is crafting extreme avoidant behavior in order to harm your partner by withholding affection/love/whatever until they behave in a way you want them to. Your family is your responsibility to deal with, not hers. Short attention span, I guess. She told me yes, that she liked me, liked being friends, etc. That being said, it bothers me that you are leaving out the stuff that happened before it. I’ve brought up how this is unhealthy and how it affects me and how I think it might affect our son (2) when this goes on. For me, the silent treatment was the only peace I would know. First time poster. But it can also be a tactic in emotionally abusive relationships. nothing thanks for her carto go drinking, her favorate dress to go paint balling, or mudwresling. one feel free to justhang out quietly. Well, let me rephrase: I'm not that surprised I'm being given the silent treatment. My dad once gave me the silent treatment for 9 months because the way I was sitting was “disrespectful” and it was the first time I didn’t beg for an apology right away. Two whem you wish to use or have somethimg of hers - so if my using * bothers you just say something. You can either completely ignore it, as it's not happening, or you can send her a message, like "hey, since it's clear you do not want to talk to me right now I will I was recently put in silent treatment over a disagreement, I put down a boundary that I did not want to discuss something further as I dont know enough about the subject and realy did not want to say something to upset her, I let her know about this,she kept pushing,I told her to respect my boundary but she got all snarky and "whatever" before My DH will get disappointed and barley talk to me. The silent treatment is a way to get a response ironically. LDR are hard. My point is, this might not be the last time you're in the relationship that encounter silent treatment. It's practically an artform in my mother's side of the family. And this kind of thing has happened to me multiple times over the years. I joke that I prefer aggressive aggressive. The silent treatment for a month and forcing you to spend an hour guessing what made him upset is so emotionally unhealthy I can’t even describe it. It's abuse at a base level. Not sure how it has affected me now as an adult (26), but I think I still heavily depend on other people's moods. The silent treatment, or love-withdrawal, was pretty hard for me as a kid. Why not just tell me straight up that he is done because this is what they do. The silent treatment is ok but only as a last resort and with a specific type of person. But if they say that they can’t talk about it right now but will talk about it soon with you is healthy. In a 12 month period I’d say I had the silent treatment more often than not. As a result of the silent treatment I was a yeller. Silent treatment is the refusal to communicate verbally or electronically with someone who is trying to communicate and elicit a response. Interrogation is used as an aggressive tactic to retrieve information. Honestly, yeah I've also given the silent treatment. Well, either that, or she just screams. It's a way of punishing someone. Unfortunate But there is also another kind of people that deliberately giving silent treatment to make another person feel bad. I agree with the sentiment that the silent treatment gets people nowhere, but I definitely get where you’re coming from. Silent treatment causes me way too much emotional damage for it to be a good decision to have individuals in my life who cling to it. If it stops getting to you he'll stop using it. Well actually LC but it sometimes feels the same. Sometimes you need some time to step back and not say something you don't mean. I could sense animosity via the texts sent before the phone conversation that followed but in terms of why there was animosity. You feel horrible because that’s exactly what she wants you to feel by ignoring you and being cold. Keep in contact with your dad but as far as she is concerned, she implemented the silent treatment, so give it to her. My SO of 15 years used to use the silent treatment about 1-2x a month after an argument. Occasionally he would say something that was so cruel, he'd suddenly recognize that he'd stepped over a line, and then we'd have a day or two of him being quiet again, because he felt like an asshole. Trying to reason with people who are blatantly illogical, argumentative, immature, and zero emotional control, is incredibly taxing on someone's mental health. , going to bed, homework, coming to dinner, etc. Wanted to ask if my friend ought to be more concerned about her boyfriend’s passive aggressiveness (Using fake names). It starts with ill feelings, me trying to process it until “holding a grudge”/bottling up feels more convenient than talking. A serious manipulation technique. Silence for about 3 weeks then talk to me for a day or two then back to the silent treatment for another week or two…. Talk to your bf, and let him know that the silent treatment is unacceptable, and that if he has a problem, he has to talk to you. If you are wanting to stay friends with him, the only thing you can do is reassure him that you are still there for him then ride out the split. People can go silent when hurt or in response to trauma and that is fine. I get zero eye contact and one work answers. I agree that he isn't going to respond. . Kipling Williams has studied the effects of the silent treatment for more than 36 years, meeting hundreds of victims and perpetrators in the process: A grown woman whose father Nov 7, 2023 · Use the silent treatment to put you in your place; Give you the cold shoulder for days or weeks at a time; Refuse to talk, make eye contact, answer calls, or respond to texts; Fall back on the silent treatment when things don't go their way; Use it as a way to avoid taking responsibility for bad behavior What I mean by shut down is that I will respond to him or say hi or whatever but become quieter as a whole . Avoidance/passive aggression is just as unhealthy as yelling about it. If i can stay silent. It would mean not being screamed at over nothing. I lived in the same house and didn’t speak for weeks; eventually she broke down. It’s not us, it’s them. I find it entertaining how people say,"The silent treatment is immature. It’s definitely a thing, guys getting butt-hurt upon rejection. xn pp ll ht po ct wn ck hu gd